It seems these days like everything is so much more complex than it has to be. This is especially true with relationship. Couples struggle to fix their relationship issues when often the problem is often a small, simple communication gap.
Think of the problems that impact your relationship as a stone wall. Whenever you say something that is hurtful or annoying, you are putting another stone on that wall. A few stones here and there won’t create a huge obstacle: you can still step over the wall and stay close to your partner.
Furthermore, if we apologize, and make an effort to change our patterns and behaviors that caused those obstacles which hurt each other, we can even take down a stone or two.
But many couples just keep piling stones upon stones upon stones, and if you don’t make the effort to remove them, you will find it almost impossible to reach your partner. By that point it may be too difficult to tear down the wall and maintain a meaningful relationship.
So keep your wall low. How? It’s simple. Talk. Don’t yell, don’t shout, don’t accuse…just talk. And even more important—listen.
Remembers that your partner has emotions and their own perspective on the relationship. I realize that it’s hard when you’re hurt and upset not to make it all about ‘you’. But taking that stance won’t help.
Make an attempt to understand your partner’s point of view—and this is not about who’s right or wrong, it just means that you each recognize that the other person may becoming at the problem from a different angle. You need to allow them to express their views without getting defensive. You may even find that you actually agree on the fundamental issue, just that you are coming at it from different directions.
I’ve experienced this myself. My spouse and I would have some very heated arguments, but when we calmed down and actually talked, and really listened to one another, we realized that we were saying the same thing—just in different ways!
When you come to this realization it can help you remove a stone or two from your wall as well as help you remember that the two you of you probably aren’t all that far away each other; you’re both just coming at the argument from different parts of the wall.
No matter what our age, sex, religion, or sexual preferences, each one of us wants to feel respected, loved, appreciated, and understood. Never lose sight of that. If you can keep those things in your mind when you’re angry with your partner, you may discover far fewer stones in your wall.